Scapegoat is officially available for theft and purchase!
To celebrate this auspicious occasion, I am doing four things, two of which I will announce publicly.
First, The EVENT. Tomorrow, Wednesday the 22nd, 5:00, at The King's English Bookstore. I will be there, with my wife and spawn, to sign any books you want me to sign. Except for any "Rabbit" books by John Updike. Those I will not sully with my unholy scrawl.
Second, The CONTEST. Three contests, really. A contest array.
Bronze Contest: The first person who comes to the event and can verbally identify how I infused Scapegoat with Canadian Pride will receive an origami goat, folded by me, with a secret message inside. You will need to dismember the goat to get the message.*
Silver Contest: The first person to request a piggyback ride from me without fear in their eyes will receive said piggyback ride.
Gold Contest: The person who sends me the most interesting** picture of themselves or a loved one with The Book will receive one personal scapegoat service. What this means is that I will take the blame*** for anything for which you are actually responsible.
*Despite stories to the contrary, wrong answerers will NOT receive a dead goat with a secret message inside. That is just gross.
**"Interestingness" will be judged by a conference of Deans from parallel Earths who have taken to identifying themselves as "The College."
***This does not include things for which I would have to go to jail, pay a fine, or be hunted by a violent cabal. Eligible offenses include, but are not limited to: not doing your homework, not doing your chores, missing a significant other's birthday, eating all the pie, leaving dirty diapers in the living room, starting a fight with the mailman, and Saying The Wrong Thing. Ineligible offenses include, but are not limited to: Causing grievous bodily harm to yourself or others, theft of anything worth more than $2.22, plotting a coup, driving a coupe, forming a junta, manufacturing danger, and lying under oath.
To celebrate this auspicious occasion, I am doing four things, two of which I will announce publicly.
First, The EVENT. Tomorrow, Wednesday the 22nd, 5:00, at The King's English Bookstore. I will be there, with my wife and spawn, to sign any books you want me to sign. Except for any "Rabbit" books by John Updike. Those I will not sully with my unholy scrawl.
Second, The CONTEST. Three contests, really. A contest array.
Bronze Contest: The first person who comes to the event and can verbally identify how I infused Scapegoat with Canadian Pride will receive an origami goat, folded by me, with a secret message inside. You will need to dismember the goat to get the message.*
Silver Contest: The first person to request a piggyback ride from me without fear in their eyes will receive said piggyback ride.
Gold Contest: The person who sends me the most interesting** picture of themselves or a loved one with The Book will receive one personal scapegoat service. What this means is that I will take the blame*** for anything for which you are actually responsible.
*Despite stories to the contrary, wrong answerers will NOT receive a dead goat with a secret message inside. That is just gross.
**"Interestingness" will be judged by a conference of Deans from parallel Earths who have taken to identifying themselves as "The College."
***This does not include things for which I would have to go to jail, pay a fine, or be hunted by a violent cabal. Eligible offenses include, but are not limited to: not doing your homework, not doing your chores, missing a significant other's birthday, eating all the pie, leaving dirty diapers in the living room, starting a fight with the mailman, and Saying The Wrong Thing. Ineligible offenses include, but are not limited to: Causing grievous bodily harm to yourself or others, theft of anything worth more than $2.22, plotting a coup, driving a coupe, forming a junta, manufacturing danger, and lying under oath.
I hope someone takes pictures of the Silver contest.
Posted by: Q | June 21, 2011 at 01:06 PM
Working on my entry for the gold contest. Really wish I was at the EVENT so I could participate in the Silver contest.
Posted by: Enna Isilee | June 22, 2011 at 04:17 PM
Alas, this is the best I could do for now. The goat was too high for me to reach, thus this picture does not contain me. But it does have the book, and a real(ly dead) goat! And doesn't that make him the ultimate scapegoat? ;)
http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc470/SqueakyBooks/Goat.jpg
Posted by: Enna Isilee | June 22, 2011 at 04:39 PM
The Silver contest was glorious, but unfortunately I was labeled (unjustly, I contend) fearful. Also, I feel that I was robbed of the bronze prize.
All-in-all, a wonderful evening.
Posted by: Marcus Aurelius | June 23, 2011 at 09:08 AM
Dean Hale, does your home rupture in coolness between you, Shannon, and all your little Hale-beasts? 'Cause I think it might. Just sayin'.
Posted by: Laurie | June 28, 2011 at 06:46 PM
I will be going to Virginia for a college class soon... Interesting pictures shall ensue.
Congratulations, goat-man!
Posted by: Avery | June 29, 2011 at 01:19 PM
Also, I thought you would appreciate this random page on my school's domain:
http://goat.uchicago.edu/
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Posted by: Queen32Golden | August 08, 2011 at 06:15 PM
I am so curious what you wrote in the origami goat?
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