"It's a phenomenal waste of time," Jim says, letting the bathroom door swing shut behind him. "Days lost in a single lifetime."
I watch as he deliberately makes his way about 12 feet across the hallway to his cubicle with a stilted, stiff-hipped walk. It is clear he is in pain.
"But at what cost?" I ask. "You can't possibly be comfortable."
"I'm not," he says, staring at the chair in front of his desk like it's a mountain he's about to climb. "But are you? Is anyone really comfortable?"
"I don't know," I say, briefly taking physical inventory of myself. "I feel okay."
Abruptly, Jim drops onto his the chair with the same speed you would pull a band-aid off.
I hear a sickening muffled crunch like he's just crushed a bag of Doritos with the seat of his pants, and then he screams like someone snipped off one of his fingers with a pair of rusty shears.
It takes several seconds for him begin breathing without any cries of pain, and for me to realize what the sound was. When I do, I feel the color drain from my face.
"Good lord, Jim," I whisper. "How long has it been since you wiped?"
I watch as he deliberately makes his way about 12 feet across the hallway to his cubicle with a stilted, stiff-hipped walk. It is clear he is in pain.
"But at what cost?" I ask. "You can't possibly be comfortable."
"I'm not," he says, staring at the chair in front of his desk like it's a mountain he's about to climb. "But are you? Is anyone really comfortable?"
"I don't know," I say, briefly taking physical inventory of myself. "I feel okay."
Abruptly, Jim drops onto his the chair with the same speed you would pull a band-aid off.
I hear a sickening muffled crunch like he's just crushed a bag of Doritos with the seat of his pants, and then he screams like someone snipped off one of his fingers with a pair of rusty shears.
It takes several seconds for him begin breathing without any cries of pain, and for me to realize what the sound was. When I do, I feel the color drain from my face.
"Good lord, Jim," I whisper. "How long has it been since you wiped?"
Wow. That's really hilarious in a disgusting way.
Posted by: Calliope1of9 | November 19, 2007 at 02:15 PM
O_O
Posted by: Q | November 19, 2007 at 02:31 PM
Mmm...
Posted by: LadyMonster | November 19, 2007 at 03:16 PM
"Wow. That's really hilarious in a disgusting way."
Minus the hilarious.
Posted by: MAYday | November 19, 2007 at 06:04 PM
Oh. My. I think I need time to recover.
Posted by: flyyhigh | November 19, 2007 at 10:42 PM
Okay, I chuckled. I did. I've never been a fan of bathroom humor--except, apparently, when it doubles as a horror story. As it should.
Posted by: the wife | November 20, 2007 at 08:55 AM
huh
Posted by: Enna Isilee | November 21, 2007 at 03:24 PM
I have a question. How long has it been since he showered?
Posted by: Enna Isilee | November 23, 2007 at 07:20 AM
Yeah, it's all in the way it's written. Only Dean can pull off horrific bathroom humor.
Posted by: Calliope1of9 | November 24, 2007 at 04:56 PM
*waiting*
Posted by: Q | November 26, 2007 at 05:02 PM