The old man tending to my leg clucks twice and smiles at me. His face is covered in sores, so the smile is not without consequences, and something drips from his cheek onto the hut's dirt floor.
"You'll be ready to walk soon," he says, and four people I hadn't noticed behind him begin clapping excitedly.
"Where...where am I?" I ask.
"The colony!" one of the four shouts, a woman, and comes forward. Her arms are covered with a number of open wounds in various states of healing, and several of them are seeping. "You're our first visitor in quite a while. We're all very excited!"
"The colony?" I ask, a little nervous now that I see everyone but me is covered in infected flesh wounds.
"A place to get away from it all," a man says, and everyone but me laughs.
"Is this...is this a leper colony?" I ask.
There is a pause, and then they all laugh again.
"No, no," the old man says, still smiling. "Just a colony. A commune. A small brotherhood of mankind."
"But...but...why," I start, still unsure of the condition of their bodies.
"Oh, the usual things," The woman interrupts. "To escape the evils of the modern world. Technology. Corporate malfeasance."
"No," I say. "Your skin...why are you...um...injured?"
"Oh!" she says, looking down at her arms. "Right! I'm sorry, I just thought..."
"It's for protection," the old man says. "So we won't get eaten. You know, spoiled meat and all that. Nobody wants pus on their meat."
"Nobody?" I ask. "Like, people?"
"Oh, there are a few tigers in the jungle all right," the woman says. "But sure, Jerry here is a cannibal."
The only man who hadn't spoken raises a hand. "Hey." he says.
"And Ben, too, who you haven't met." she says.
My eyes widen, and I stare at Jerry. "I...I..." I stammer.
"Don't worry, buddy," the old man says. "Jerry's not hungry."
"Oh." I say, but fail to relax.
"Which reminds me," the old man says, reaching down to bring up a sharp rock that looks to be covered in mud or feces. "You'll probably want to scrape yourself up on the tastiest bits."
I take the rock. "The tastiest bits?" I ask.
"Butt, thighs, upper arms, you know," the woman says. "Ask Jerry. He knows the best parts."
"That I do," says Jerry.
"You'll be ready to walk soon," he says, and four people I hadn't noticed behind him begin clapping excitedly.
"Where...where am I?" I ask.
"The colony!" one of the four shouts, a woman, and comes forward. Her arms are covered with a number of open wounds in various states of healing, and several of them are seeping. "You're our first visitor in quite a while. We're all very excited!"
"The colony?" I ask, a little nervous now that I see everyone but me is covered in infected flesh wounds.
"A place to get away from it all," a man says, and everyone but me laughs.
"Is this...is this a leper colony?" I ask.
There is a pause, and then they all laugh again.
"No, no," the old man says, still smiling. "Just a colony. A commune. A small brotherhood of mankind."
"But...but...why," I start, still unsure of the condition of their bodies.
"Oh, the usual things," The woman interrupts. "To escape the evils of the modern world. Technology. Corporate malfeasance."
"No," I say. "Your skin...why are you...um...injured?"
"Oh!" she says, looking down at her arms. "Right! I'm sorry, I just thought..."
"It's for protection," the old man says. "So we won't get eaten. You know, spoiled meat and all that. Nobody wants pus on their meat."
"Nobody?" I ask. "Like, people?"
"Oh, there are a few tigers in the jungle all right," the woman says. "But sure, Jerry here is a cannibal."
The only man who hadn't spoken raises a hand. "Hey." he says.
"And Ben, too, who you haven't met." she says.
My eyes widen, and I stare at Jerry. "I...I..." I stammer.
"Don't worry, buddy," the old man says. "Jerry's not hungry."
"Oh." I say, but fail to relax.
"Which reminds me," the old man says, reaching down to bring up a sharp rock that looks to be covered in mud or feces. "You'll probably want to scrape yourself up on the tastiest bits."
I take the rock. "The tastiest bits?" I ask.
"Butt, thighs, upper arms, you know," the woman says. "Ask Jerry. He knows the best parts."
"That I do," says Jerry.
Coming soon to an ice cream shoppe near you, courtesy of the best in Vermont creameries:
Gluteus Tastius
Deltoid DeLITE
&
Thigh Fawkes Day
Posted by: Gretchen | June 18, 2007 at 04:31 PM
Good catch, Gretchen! I totally missed that allusion at first.
K, I have to admit, I was cringing before reading this one because the last story so disturbed me, but this one had me laughing out loud. Am I proud to be married to such brilliance? I am. Yes, I am.
Posted by: the wife | June 18, 2007 at 08:24 PM
Good for you Shannon. Good. For. You.
Posted by: Enna Isilee | June 19, 2007 at 01:07 PM