For The Love of Vitreum
When I get to the apartment, Jimmy is lying on the living room floor, breathing raggedly, seemingly frozen in place. He is holding Corky's left forelimb tightly in both hands, her paw close to his eye. The rest of Corky, apparently uninjured, is draped across him in an idly yowling heap. Jimmy's forearms are dripping blood from the ragged slashes that look to have been Corky's earlier attempts to free herself.
"Uh..." I say, a little off-balance. "Are you okay?"
There is a growly noise from either Jimmy or the cat, and then he whispers "Do I look okay?"
I take a step forward. "Why don't you just let Corky go? Just let her go."
"Her CLAW is in MY EYE!" He shouts suddenly. "IN MY EYE!"
"Jeez," I say. "You should take it out, then. That can't be good."
"My eye juice will empty out through the hole if I let her go," he says. "It's not just going to clot like blood, doofus."
"Well you can't keep holding the cat like that," I say, stepping closer. "You need a band-aid or something."
"An EYE band-aid?" He shrieks. "Have you ever heard of an EYE band-aid?"
"There's got to be something," I say, looking around the room for an idea.
"Sure there are," He says. "Plugs. Sanitary eye plugs, and we don't have any."
"Maybe a hospital..." I start.
"There's no time!" He shouts. "Get a steak knife!"
"I'm not cutting off Corky's arm," I say.
"No," he groans, clearly disappointed in my stupidity. "Get a pencil from the junk drawer. Use the knife to cut off the eraser. Pour some beer on the nubbin. Then get over here and be ready to stick it in the hole."
"Right," I say, heading off to the kitchen. "Homemade eyeplug. Clever."
Poor Corky.
Posted by: Enna Isilee | February 26, 2007 at 06:05 PM
That Corky's got an odd sense of vitreous humor.
(C'mon! It was sitting right "there"! What else was I gonna do?)
Posted by: Marcus Aurelius | February 26, 2007 at 10:02 PM
Haha, I love it, I love it!
Posted by: Katee | February 27, 2007 at 05:48 AM
I'm filing this one away under "Things I may need to know for bizarre medical home remedies." Thanks for adding to my collection!
Posted by: Gretchen | February 28, 2007 at 07:55 PM
Something oddly similar happened at home this morning.
Posted by: Stubby LaRue | March 02, 2007 at 08:51 AM
ugh, eye juice is not a pleasant taste. and that cat was about to taste it.
Posted by: Faith | March 12, 2007 at 11:23 PM