dreadcrumbs

Microstory Monday

Rural Unrest

There is blood everywhere in the henhouse. Feathers and chicken parts strewn about, crushed underfoot, arranged in patterns no sane man could decipher.
Pete approaches me from behind. "Can you help me find the fox what did this, then?" he says, not fully entering the coop. "As you can see, it ain't right in the head. Needs to be put down."
"I don't think a fox did this, Pete," I say, looking around. "It was something else. Something bigger."
He grunts, nudging a discarded beak with his boot.
"Whatever did this knew these chickens, Pete," I say, tracing my finger just above where the word 'MOO' was written in blood on the coop wall.  "Knew them, and wanted them dead."

Friday Fives

Five Reasons Unrelated To Her Wit, Genius, and Unmatched Capacity As A Mother That I Love My Wife

1. She kicks serious butt as Zatanna when playing Justice League Heroes
2. She was really, no lie, behind giving our new daughter the middle name "Danger" (alas, it didn't really go with "Magnolia," so we'll have to use it for something else)
3. She hasn't yet murdered me in my sleep (you might not think that's a big deal, but remember, I'm really annoying)
4. It appears her eternal beauty isn't actually due to a deal with the devil, which is a great relief (as soulless parents tend to raise rather disturbing children)
5. She didn't immediately scratch my eyes out when I neglected to present her with a birthday gift this morning

Microstory Monday

Crusader
I don't think the man in the pharmacy was really The Devil. I don't.
But I'm still waiting for him in the parking lot with a sharp rock.
Just in case.

Friday Fives

Five Online Aliases I've Recently Retired
(So if you see anyone using them, it isn't me. Not anymore.)

1. bunnyman22
2. bunnies43v3r
3. Lord Cottontail
4. CarrotKing
5. Steven Jobs

Microstory Monday

From the Kennels of Dada

The shoebox on my lap has begun to leak, and the young man across from me, the only other person on the subway, is staring at it.
"I'm Gary," he says, and I grunt.
"What you got in the box?" Gary says.
"My dog," I say, and cough, trying to sound contagious.
"Your dog?" he says, incredulous, and leans closer. "It piss the box?"
I shake my head.
"What kinda dog is it?" he asks, standing.
"It's, um..." I mutter. "It's a new dog."
"No, chump, it's breed." he says, sitting next to me. "Like, is it a wiener dog?"
I pull the box away. "Please," I say. "Just leave me alone."
"Lemme see it," he says, grabbing the lid.
"No!" I shout, tugging back, and when the car jerks to one side, the box flies open and the contents tumble moist onto Gary's lap. There is a pause, and then when It barks, Gary screams. 
He's still screaming when we get to my stop, and because I can't get it loose, I leave the dog.

Friday Fives

The Top Five Things I Tend To Hallucinate When Sleep Deprived

1. Scampering Things
2. People 2-3 times tinier than usual
3. Satyrs (non-scampering)
4. Water where there should be none (e.g., in place of people's faces)
5. A sharp-clawed beast perched atop my head

Microstory Monday

Optical Delusion
The unconscious man on my couch groans when I push lightly on the soft spot on the back of his head.
"It has to be a third eye," I say. "Or it will be, when it sprouts."
"You're sure?" Gloria says, not even looking in my direction. "You're absolutely sure?"
"Normal people don't have squishy spots like this on their heads," I say. "It's not like he's an infant."
She shakes her head. "You should have just taken him to the hospital. You don't need to say you hit him with the car." she says.
"And let some paranoid doctor murder him in his sleep for being an abomination?" I ask, a little indignant. "No way."

My Baby Is Evil

Picture yourself in a dark room. You've slept maybe 8 hours in the last 72, so you can't quite tell what is real or what isn't. There is something squirming next to you in the dark, making the noises something makes when it eats its way into your body. You ache all over and suspect there might be fecal matter on your hands. You feel like you need to go to the bathroom, but can't for fear of what might come out. You feel surrounded by those mucus-filled grunting and snuffling sounds, and just as you think you might be able to ignore them and drift off to sleep, you are shocked awake by ear-splitting shrieks of pain and longing.
If I had to name an afterlife that situation most resembled, it would not be Heaven.
Alas, this has been my wife's life for the past several days.
And that mewling thing that is the cause of it all is our little angel. Just a few days old, as cute as can be, and clearly evil.
Evil causes suffering without conscience, and often simply to satisfy its own pleasure, right? Seems that might be my daughter. Oh sure, you look at her and your heart warms, you know that you will love her always...and then night falls, and The Darkness comes. Make your own comparisons, all you drug addicts and abusive relationship survivors out there. The point is, Evil Baby.
You've really got to see her, though. The cutest thing. I can't get enough.