The Dark Spectre of Expectoration

I don't really think about spitting much. It's something you do in the face of your torturer when they ask where the microfilm is. You do it when an unanticipated bug flies in your mouth or you accidentally eat a candied yam. Not common occurrences. Not for me, at least. So the subject just doesn't come up.

I did find it interesting that in more than one restaurant in Thailand there was a "spitting room" where people could go to comfortably mix their eating and spitting experiences without bothering expectoration-averse diners. But, again, not being from a culture that spits in public, I didn't spend much thought on the matter.

Or I thought I was from such a culture. I mean, sure, we've all seen people spit in public, but usually those people are members of some kind of bizarre subculture. Like professional baseball players, livestock handlers, or soldiers in the Self-Made Moron Army. And yet, in the public restroom (the MALE public restroom) here at my workplace, people are spitting all the time. And disturbing spitting. The hacking-up-deep-snot kind of spitting. The "you-have-to-really-make-an-effort" spitting. Mostly they spit in the urinal, though sometimes in the sink we all wash our hands in. I mean, I guess I prefer people spit in those places than on the hallway carpet or on meeting-room chairs, but it's still pretty gross.

And I'm trying to figure out why they do it. Most of the people I know here at work are fairly intelligent, seemingly rational people who appear to have well-thought-out reasons behind what they do. So what would compel a man to spit where he pees? Here are some theories:

1. They view ALL human-produced liquids and gels as waste, and feel they must be disposed of as such. You wouldn't think of swallowing your own urine as a method of disposal or taking a whiz into a tissue, so why not not do away with all your excretions in a flushable fashion?
2. They deeply hate the urinal and what it stands for. As a representation of porcelain's domination over man, they spit on it to display their disgust with the status quo.
3. They are agents of a rogue CDC splinter group that believes to truly control the spread of disease, you must first embrace it.
4. They aren't spitting at all, and what they're doing is far more terrible.

There might be more reasons, but I really hope it's #2. #1 would be okay, but I can't help thinking that after tiring of saliva, they would move on to more precious fluids, and bloody urinals aren't any fun for anyone.

Not anyone that I know, anyway.

Comments

[Stubby LaRue]

This one made me laugh out loud. Thank you.

[Doc Bollywood]

Among humans, spitting or the urge to spit may be due to underlying reflux - actual stomach acid eructing into the esophagus. The esophagus tries to protect itself from damage initially by secreting heavy mucous.

Among Capibara, waste is deposited into ponds or streams to disguise their scent. Capibara dung would otherwise lead a predator straight to its prey during its most vulnerable time - reading the paper time.