The Will To Sour

A manager at work who sits near me just got one of those desk-size zen garden things. You know the kind - an 8 inch square field of sand with a few rocks, complete with a three tiny sand rakes. Actually, I think one of them is more of a sand hoe.

Anyway, since this sublime stress reliever made its appearance on my coworker's desk, I haven't been able to stop thinking of ways to, well, defile it for the sake of humor. But I can't quite settle on what, exactly, to do. Putting a piece of cat feces in it is too obvious, and, despite what you may think based on my blogs, not really my style. I might consider shaping some sort of chocolate bar into an excremental shape and put it in there, but I would want to be able to eat it in someone's presence later. Plus, I can't really be assured the garden owner won't just throw the sculpted chocolate away, never realizing it was supposed to be poo.

If I was drunk, or otherwise artificially freed from my natural inhibitions, I would likely splash a few fat drops of blood and meat in the sand for the creep factor, but that would probably ruin the sand, and I don't want to destroy, I just want to disturb.

I have been thinking that if in my travels to and fro, I happen upon a nice, well-preserved bug corpse, I would collect it, and put it in the garden. But really, I don't see many bug corpses anymore. Not ones that haven't been partially eaten or otherwise un-artistically mangled. And such a thing just wouldn't do.

My current plan, if I can find enough privacy (and some non-messy method of removing and replacing the sand), is to affix a 6x6 glossy photo of Colonel Sanders to the surface under the sand, so hints of it can be seen as the sand is raked.

I'm not completely sold on the Sanders Initiative, though. If any of you have suggestions to appease the coyote spirit, please share.

Comments

[sxtxixtxcxh]

bury a tiny skeleton in the sands and leave tiny tire treadmarks for the tiny forensic detectives to discover

[Shawn]

Post doomsday signs on toothpicks. Or set up a tiny gallows.

[Dean]

Sweet. Both good. I just need to get ahold of a small skeleton now. If I could only remember where I buried the body of that little man I found in the backyard, I'd be set.

[Liz]

What about a chunk of sausage?

[Alauna]

What about taking some micromachines and setting up a whole battle scene? Or tiny dinosaurs...also battling? Nothing disturbs zen like battling..dinosaurs, right?

[Bonnie]

How about a tiny hangmans noose? I like the idea of putting a bug in it too.