The Doors

Since the first day I felt the pressure of chivalrous expectation, I have been confused over the social contract surrounding "door-opening." Some things are obvious, of course. If a lady loaded with boxes/books/babies is on your heels at a door you happen to be going through, you don't slam it in her face. Not unless you're EVIL, in which case, you can disregard this entry. Browse down to "The 5 Worst Things to Find in Your Waste." It might be more to your liking.

So anyway, for those of us concerned with at least the appearance of civility, where does one draw the line on door opening? Is there a caste system that I need to be aware of? The hierarchy I'm currently working from is this:

1. Old Women
2. Women
3. Children and the Infirm
4. Young Women
5. Old Men
6. Royalty not fitting into one of the above categories
7. Men
8. Animals
9. Young Men

I'm pretty comfortable with this arrangement, but the modifying conditions kill me. Like distance. If the person I might hold the door open for is more than 15 ft away, am I justified in marching through the door solo? What if they're carrying something? Do you always offer to help, or must the combined weight of what they are carrying be equal to or greater than 30% of their body weight? If your target is part of a couple, is it unseemly to usurp the door opening opportunity from the male? What if you aren't certain the couple is romantically linked? I am plagued by many more such unanswerable questions.

So yes, I've found it's simpler just to avoid all human contact.

Comments

[shawn's friend :)]

I think your list just about covers everything that would be seen walking through a door! Anyways, it is a very good list.

[anonymous]

You keep getting better and better . . .

[Shawn]

I've always wondered about this. If a young adult is holding the door open for, say, their mother, and then a man walks up, should the younger person just dart in through the gap and assumes the man is fully aware of the Rules of Chivalry as Spelled Out By Dean? I would assume they young adult should keep holding the door, but...

I hate awkward social situations.

[the wife]

The other day a party of about 5 adult people, healthy, of all genders, was coming up to the door behind me. I held it with the intention of not slamming it in their face, expecting the first person to grab it from me. Nope, all 5 marched through as if i were the doorman. And no tip! That's what really rubs.

[Bonnie]

I feel that we hold the door out of respect. I am a 62 year old female and sometimes I hold it, out of respect, and I would hope that they will sometimes for me. I live in Mongolia. Here you could be holding it all day. No one holds the door for anyone else, and everyone pushes to get in first. They are not being disresctful, that is just the way it is here. They drive the same way. (First one there wins, only the roads are so crowded you could never be in the lead.) After being here I definately see a need to be aware of others and hold a door for them. It may seem like a little thing but it might make a difference. It may make you two seconds later but it will keep your country from becoming a bunch of self-centered individuals. Please don't lose your concern for others.