The Top Five Things That Should Have Made Me Rich, Famous, or Powerful by Now (But, Inexplicably, Have Not)
5. My ability to park cars manually. And yes, I mean "by hand." Stand in awe.
4. My design for personal jetpacks powered by the electromagnetic field of the Earth (yes, it seems like a joke, but I'M SERIOUS)
3. Being predicted "Most Likely To Succeed" in my High School yearbook. What gives? Apparently Reality doesn't deign to pay attention to the publications of Secondary Schools...
2. The birthmark on my calf that in Akkadian Cuneiform translates into either "Scourge of Man" or "Scourge of Bread."
1. My Wife. I mean, really. I've been sitting on these coat-tails for six years.
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