When I'm in line at the grocery store (usually the 15 items or less line), I like to try to imagine, based on what the person in front of me is buying, the scenario that drove them to purchase those particular items. Three bags of chips, some bean dip, and a case of beer usually indicates a sporting-event related viewing party. A single two-gallon tub of ice cream could mean anything, but when combined with kleenex, it's a post-breakup binge. If with flowers it's an "I'm sorry, honey, can I please sleep in the bed again" thing. If a box of sugar cones, a child's party.
The tricky ones are the vaseline, ziploc bags, and beef jerky combos. Or the whipped cream, mega-pack of Tums and a roll of twine. Hard to say exactly what those people are planning, but it can't be good.
I bring this up, though, because of what the guy in front of me at the drugstore last night was buying. Rubbing alcohol, a large roll of gauze, a bag of cotton balls, one of those rubber suction bulbs, and a 50-pack of razor blades. Not the disposible razors for shaving, mind you. Razor blades. It looked to me like this guy was planning some home surgery. He didn't look to have any visible cysts to drain or growths to clip, so I'm guessing his "patient" is someone else. Hopefully a willing I-need-some-corns-removed someone else, and not a help-me-please-I'm-tied-up-in-a-basement someone else. Because I wasn't about to notify the police and get embroiled in a serial killer hunt again. It's way too time-consuming.
*WHERE* do you come UP with this stuff? do you just meet a lot of freaks? wow.
Posted by: ashley | February 24, 2006 at 02:14 PM