The Aroma of Ruin

Unless you are some sort of hybrid Dog-Man, you should not be able to track people by scent alone. It's wrong. If you can track someone by scent, your ad-hoc prey STINKS.

You'd think this would be rare, but it isn't. In nearly every place I've worked, I've been able to detect the path of someone's progress through the building by sense of smell alone. Yah.

And it isn't body odor. I don't think I've smelled persistent body odor (the kind you could track someone with) since high school. It's perfume. Or cologne. Or maybe aftershave, I don't know.

And while I have been known, in my single days, to cover up the stench of rotting furniture with air freshener, it was only because the prospect of daily (or even weekly) couch-washing was too daunting for me to consider. In the Hierarchy of Household Horror, the hassle of sofa baths trumps the unpleasant smell of a thousand roses drowned in rubbing alcohol. At least for me.

On the other hand, most developed countries have a well-established infrastructure to support daily washing of the human body. All of the apartments I've ever rented have always come pre-equipped with some sort of person-sized enclosure that sprays water. Soap is cheap, plentiful, and comes in many varieties. Water, as a utility, is cheap.

Plus, 70% of the earth is water. You can find your own.

So, with all this cultural and material support, you obviously have to CHOOSE to stink, either by conscious rejection of the whole bathing idea, or by opting to slather on industrially produced stench. So doing this means something. You're saying something about yourself. About your issues.

I mean, when we see angry little five-foot-tall men scrambling to get into their enormous "hemi-equipped" pickup trucks, can you really avoid the obvious psychological conclusion?

It's the same thing. To me, when I'm able to smell someone's purchased odor-grease from a distance, it is the olfactory equivalent of hearing them constantly mutter "...not clean, I'm still not clean...I'm so dirty...so so dirty..."

Disturbing.

My recommendation? If you are compelled to make yourself smell like the unholy offspring of a spice rack and a chemical plant, try wearing a t-shirt for a while that says "No, really, I am pretty," instead. See if it addresses the deeper need to inflict your shuddering psyche on others.

If that doesn't work, a bold-faced tattoo of "UNCLEAN" on your forehead might do the trick.

Comments

[Ryan S.]

"UNCLEAN"

Dean- it IS you!

[jeff]

Not that I dissagree, but seriously I think that it is not normal to have such a sensitive sence of smell that you could detect a persons path of travel like a bird dog. Dean, what do you know about your father, I mean have you ever been with him during a full moon? Did his knuckles grow hair, and he asked to be excused? Provocative thought.